My struggle to be fit is real. I have never really worked out, honestly because I never felt I had to before. Growing up I went through a skinny, chunky, skinny, and back to chunky phase. Currently I am working at being fit and maintaining this fit lifestyle. During both of my pregnancies I had the worst morning sickness ever. I literally stayed nauseous and vomited all day long. As a matter of fact it was so bad that I lost about a total of 20 lbs during each pregnancy. Which I was glad because I was already not in the best shape before I got pregnant. Even though I lost all that weight my stomach still stretched to its maximum (imagine my daughter was 9lbs and my son was 8lbs).
After I had my daughter (my firstborn), I got on birth control which caused me to gain a lot of more weight. It didn’t help that my lifestyle at the time was not the best either. I ate whatever I wanted and always made excuses to not exercise. During my second pregnancy I was also sick the entire pregnancy and I was also extremely active. There was a lot going on in my life during my second pregnancy, I was working, going to school, and completing an internship as an assistant activities coordinator at an assisted living home. So that helped me maintain a healthy and active pregnancy. After having my second child I looked thin and so people told me I didn’t even look like I had just had a baby.
However, I may have looked skinny but I wasn’t fit at all. I was not in good shape. I still had a saggy and loose stomach, cellulite, and every other mark that instead of embracing because of them being part motherhood of something so miraculous such as giving birth to two beautiful human beings, made me feel insecure and embarrassed. People that barely knew me or the new people in my life complimented me saying I looked great for having two kids; but other people that knew me from high school or from years back would tell me I changed and would go on about how different I looked compared to before. All of that plus all the emotional stress I was under due to my personal life made me feel so unhappy and insecure with my appearance. As a matter of fact I realized I have never truly felt confident with my appearance or I have never really had the best self esteem. Why? Because I have always felt judged and compared.
That is something that I hate about our society. The comparing of women. It always affected me, until recently. After having two children and now being in my late 20’s I am finally starting to feel confident and secure. About my entire self inside and out. I know it’s pretty sad, but I finally understand and am not hurt by the fact that there will always be someone with a prettier face or with a better body then my own. In the end it doesn’t matter to me what anyone thinks or says about my appearance. What matters is that I am happy and comfortable in my own skin. As long as I know that I am perfect to the people that most matter to me is and should be more then enough.